I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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