If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
