haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
