I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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