Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
