Already got asked if we're dating
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
