and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
