weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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