I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
