I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
