Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
