I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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