So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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