I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
