saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
