apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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