i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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