New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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