It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
