now i know why i became what i already was.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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