I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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