Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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