new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
