your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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