he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
