i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
