Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
even my farts smell like vagina
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
