I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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