96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
