we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
