Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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