Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
