that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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