It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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