"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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