very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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