can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
