If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
