went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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