very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
