Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
