your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
