just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
don't judge my taste in strippers
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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