i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
