We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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