Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
