I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
