Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dicks are not precious.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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