You're my little dorito
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
