Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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