i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
