Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
