I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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