you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
